I am a brat. There’s
no nice way to put it…no sugar to coat on top of it…I just am. And so are YOU!! Admit it. We always want what we don’t have, and rarely
appreciate what we do. At least, not
until it’s too late. 
Think about the last time you laughed…like REALLY
laughed. The kind of laugh that almost
made you cry, pee your pants or throw up.
What are the odds of that happening again within the next month? Do you remember the elated feeling you
had? The bond you felt between yourself
and the person who shared that moment with you?
What about the weather? What was it
like outside that day? Don’t you sometimes
wish you could remember every single detail as if you were still IN that
moment? Like you could just close your
eyes and suddenly, you’re back there? 
But, time has a massive grip on those memories doesn’t
it? It can be a bit of a jerk every now
and then. Taking precious and meaningful
moments and throwing them into a sea of busyness and responsibility. If you’re lucky, you have a remnant of that
moment within a snapshot you post on facebook or stick to a page in your decorative
scrapbook that can be seen every few months, or even years, when being shared
with people who really don’t get it anyway.
People who are simply unable to relish in the depth of that most
honorable, embarrassing, exciting, joyful, terrifying, or most loving moment of
your life. It’s not their fault, of
course not. But, it’s quite
disappointing when you find yourself trying to explain and set the scene for
this historical moment yet inevitably pulling out the old “you had to be there”
cliché.
God has given me so much in this life. An amazing husband, healthy children, a
family of honest people who love me and friends who would literally give me the
clothes off their backs if needed. He’s
given me a home, and is in the process of giving me a NEW home, not to mention
a successful business where I am surrounded by strong women who trust me to
lead them into a future full of promise.
Wow. And, here I
am. Being a brat. Because, I want the stuff God ISN’T giving
me. Like, my dad’s hug or, Lori’s laugh
at the kids’ birthday parties. I want control
of time. If I could have that, I would
go back to those moments over and over and over again. Just to be able to feel his strong arms
around me and his kiss on my forehead.
To hear her bellowing laugh and have her slap me on the rear as I pass
her in the hallway. Man, I miss those
things. I miss it all.
It’s strange when you realize those moments are gone. And, it’s just not enough to ‘hold onto the
memories’. It’s very hard. But, I’m pretty sure God knows what He’s
doing by NOT giving us control of time…now THAT’S an understatement! There is a lot of truth to the phrase “if you
are standing still, you are moving backwards”.
I hate it, but it is true.
Everything moves forward, with or without you. And, if I were to go back in time to those moments,
I would never experience the ones that are coming. God doesn’t want us to hold on to the things
that are in the past…he gave us a heart and mind that are capable of reminiscing
for a reason. What a gift. Not that I don’t have my pity parties every now
and then, where I long for my loved ones hugs and kisses. But, I have Him to hold me in a different
way. He walks along this life with me
and gives me encouragement with His Word and His Spirit that dwells within
me. God uses all things to love us with,
including the memories of my dad and sister.
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